


all that glitters (is not gold)

by syncopate (orphan_account)



Category: SHINee
Genre: High School AU, I'm so sorry, M/M, Romance, i never know what genre my fics are, i swear this a product of insomnia, i think, why did I write this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-23
Updated: 2016-08-23
Packaged: 2018-08-10 13:24:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7846795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/syncopate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>in which kibum is a popular boy and jonghyun is a very studious one.<br/>and most books can't be judged by their covers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	all that glitters (is not gold)

**Author's Note:**

> for j  
> we talk too much about jongkey <3

there are things jonghyun won't tell people; like he doesn't really care that much about studies, or the grades he gets, spectacular as they are, that he doesn't gain any pleasure from seeing his name consistently in the top five rankings for his level, sometimes the top even, that his teachers' dreams of him making it as a doctor or a lawyer, or some high-flying go-getter in a big business are a 180 degree gulf from what he really wants. that everything he's doing now, the studying, the lack of a social life, the careful adhering to rules, the quiet meandering through high school, barely a blip on most people's radar, is all part of a larger plan, to eventually get his own way in his life, to earn the right to make his own mistakes in the path he wants to build. 

 

jonghyun wants to be a musician, wants to devote his life to music, to songwriting, composing, to melodies cascading in complex trills, to arpeggios and staccato rhythm and the study of crescendo and diminuendo. it's a nomad's life, his father had told him. unstable, his mother had added. uncertain, they both chorused. not up to your potential. oh if only they hadn't let him take up piano as a child, if only his sister's first boyfriend hadn't brought that guitar, if only he hadn't fallen in love, irrevocable, irreversible, headfirst, into harmonies and rhythms and soft overlapping notes. there are many 'if onlys' in his parents' book of songs. 

 

the deal was simple, if jonghyun's grades enabled him to enter any top university, they'd allow him to do what he wanted. it was a set-up for failure, because jonghyun was a middling kind of student, an average one, the kind who would scrape by with almosts and just abouts. the kind who'd get an average job in an average firm, work an average amount of hours and die an average man. stable, consistent, and in jonghyun's opinion, utterly boring. he dreamt of living life by the chords he could form and the melodies he could pull out. but dreams demand sacrifice, and jonghyun was willing to sacrifice, to sacrifice hours spent gaming with his friends, sacrifice lazy afternoons people watching in the neighbourhood ice cream parlour, sacrifice jamming with his musically inclined friends with less controlling parents, replacing all that with hours spent in the library, looking up work he never quite cared about before, booking appointments with teachers for consultations for subjects he always just managed to pass, climbing up the academic ladder until somehow, he was right at the top. 

 

sometimes when he brought his report card home, he'd laugh inside at his parents' stricken faces. 

 

he knows the rest of the students think him a robot, buttoned up and tightly laced and laden down with too many reference texts. but he doesn't care, because in less than a year he'd be free of this, free of everything, free to choose the course he wants, free to dream in major and minor, to hum fragments of tune, and to dance to the chorus of his own masterpiece. 

 

in less than a year, he can breathe again.

 

~-~

 

'that key is looking at you,' minho says, as they walk down the hallway. 

 

jonghyun raises a single eyebrow. 'i sincerely doubt that,' he replies. 'he's probably looking at someone behind me.'

 

'he  _ could be _ looking at you...you're good looking even with all that buttoned up, perfectly pressed starch, you know,' minho says. 'i still wish i knew why you turned all prim and proper.'

 

'easier to get through school like this,' jonghyun says airily. and it's true, it's easier to be known for grades and perfect attendance, and never draw attention for anything more than that. be harmless, be unnoticed, just do your work and get everything over and done with. perhaps he's also lucky that that whatever bullies there were in the school, they preferred to go after the social justice warriors, with all their many causes.

 

minho shrugs, and drops the subject. 

 

jonghyun slides his eyes to the left and inadvertently catches key's piercing gaze, and there's something like a leap in the area of heart. it isn't fear. it's more like a strange kind of attraction. key's real name is kim kibum, his nickname a stylized anglicized version of the first character of his name, something jonghyun secretly finds pretentious. key is well known in their school, infamous almost. the kind of popularity that draws people like moths to a flame, but the kind of flame that would burn them with no thought. there's nothing particularly impressive in his own resume, aside from being the son of the richest man in town. and jonghyun sometimes thinks key's incredible popularity as a result of that single status tells a sad kind of story in the way the human mind works. but then the edge of key's mouth curls up in a half smirk that jonghyun would swear is directed at him, and the responding twist in his stomach makes him think that maybe it's also the way key looks, almost dangerous, like a cobra, poised to strike. and maybe every single one of his victims willingly lets themselves get caught. 

 

'he's gorgeous isn't he?' jinki says quietly from beside him, watching jonghyun's eyes flicker away from key. jinki has a way of knowing what people think, a way of reading body language that should scare jonghyun, but doesn't. 

 

'yes,' jonghyun admits, because it is true. even if to jonghyun, key is just a fool moving up in life through his parents' machinations, a cushy job lying in wait for him after university, money flowing through his fingers, not a care in the world. jonghyun wonders if he has dreams, or if he even contemplates dreaming of something more than what he has now. 

 

at any rate their circles do not intersect, and he has no intention of letting them, even if jinki's head  _ is _ sometimes turned by that lanky dancer friend of key's, who's always flitting about. like a fairy, jinki had said once, and minho had spit out a bit of his juice into jonghyun's face. a fairy, jinki had repeated. like a dream. jinki doesn't quite have the intention of putting himself on offer, taemin would stay a dream, and maybe that would be good enough.

 

their circles  _ do not _ intersect, and with any luck it'll stay that way. interaction with key shone a kind of spotlight on you that jonghyun preferred never to experience.

 

~-~

 

key descending upon him during his weekly after school piano practice isn't quite in jonghyun's plans. he gets one hour every thursday. one hour, that's all he gives himself, one hour to be free from academics he rather not face.

 

'what do you want?' he almost barks out, when key slides in through the door. but he holds back the words, because key says nothing at all to him, just settles in a chair near the piano, curiosity in his eyes, and jonghyun shrugs, deciding it's harmless, deciding to pretend he isn't there. key sits for 25 minutes and then disappears just as quietly as he had come in. jonghyun takes it as a one time thing, a freak accident.

 

except it isn't. 

 

for a stretch of four weeks, key slips in like a grey shadow, muted and soft, so different from the intensely vivid character jonghyun is used to. and the prickling sense of unease and discomfort falls away, transforming into an honest kind of curiosity, of why key would spend the time here, and why he would be so subdued, like a ghost of what jonghyun is used to. he doesn't tell minho, doesn't tell jinki. the key in this room seems different, almost human, instead of the icon the rest of the school had turned him into. they don't talk, not inside the room, not outside. not along the corridors where key still rules, where students flock around him like worker bees around their queen, where girls and boys vie for a chance to be with him. where jonghyun is still just a part of the wall decoration.

 

~-~

 

'he's never actually dated anyone, has he?' jonghyun asks jinki one day. 

 

'no,' jinki says. 'a lot of people claim to have slept with him, but i've never known how true that is.'

 

he darts knowing eyes in jonghyun's direction. 'why the question?'

 

'nothing,' jonghyun replies. 'nothing.'

 

jinki tilts his head to the side and smiles a little. 'let him stay a dream.'

 

'my dreams are worth more than that,' jonghyun replies, and his voice is sharp.

 

jinki just laughs.

 

~-~

 

'you're really talented,' key says on the fifth week, low voice soft and almost sweet, a culture shock to the strident tones that travel across the corridor on a regular basis. 

 

'thank you,' jonghyun says, and he knows his alarm is obvious.

 

'you don't have to sound so shocked,' kibum says, just on the edge of snark. 

 

jonghyun lets out a little laugh,  _ that's _ more usual, and turns around. 'why are you here?'

 

'i heard you from the open door, and it sounded pretty and you never asked me to leave.' when key shrugs, jonghyun laughs again. typical rich boy, he thinks. just take and never ask why.

 

'this is unnecessary at this point but if you want, you can stay.'

 

they talk in bits and pieces over the next few weeks, chipping at corners and building up bonds. key is different alone, less manufactured, less desperate to mean something, almost like he's a real flesh and blood human. there's a candidness to his words that makes jonghyun think that maybe he's more than just a poster boy for the perils of too much money and too little responsibility. more than what he's always assumed him to be. 

 

key tells him he's doing business when he gets to university, and for all of jonghyun's skepticism, it seems he's really looking forward to it. perhaps, jonghyun thinks. he really  _ does  _ like the business world. or perhaps he's been told how to think so often he doesn't bother thinking for himself anymore. 

 

jonghyun still wonders if key has dreams, if he has dreamt of something more than the straightforward plans his parents have laid out for him, the blueprint for his existence he doesn't need to do any more than follow. but he doesn't really ask. they talk about silly things, silly surface things, things that makes key laugh in a way that's less plastic than usual, that makes jonghyun want to find out what goes on underneath the image, underneath what everyone else thinks key is.

 

and somehow it's three months and jonghyun thinks they might be friends. even if he hasn't told jinki and minho yet, even if he never talks to key outside of the room, even if no one else knows.

 

~-~

 

'jonghyun?' 

 

it's a voice he's never heard outside of school, a voice he never expected to hear. 

 

'key,' he says, turning around to smile halfheartedly at the boy.

 

'i-oh,' key's mouth snaps shut and he stares at jonghyun dumbly for a few seconds, eyes widened. 'you look…'

 

'...different?' jonghyun touches his styled hair self-consciously, words tasting strange on his mouth. 'yeah, i've a...thing...later.' 

 

in actual fact, he has a gig, the first one in months that he's found the time to go for. the first one in months he thinks he can afford to go for. so he had pulled out hair products and makeup and contact lenses he hasn't used in far too long. that darting into a nearby music store because he's a bit early would result in him meeting key was not in his plans. but it seems life seems to want key to be a part of his plans.

 

'i was going to say you look good actually.' the tone of his voice is openly appreciative. key's eyes catch jonghyun's and the air between them turns a little warmer. there's something snaking underneath key's words, something predatory. and jonghyun feels his heart jump directly into his throat under key's stare.

 

'i...uh...yeah...thanks.' he's pretty sure his face is flaming. he scratches the back of his neck, wondering what to say next, wondering if maybe that look in key's eyes is part of his appeal.

 

'what kind of "thing" are you going for later?' the scrutinizing gaze has travelled down over jonghyun's low cut shirt and is scanning his legs and jonghyun feels it like a hand smoothing down over his skin, and he wonders what key's hand would feel like, his long fingers and broad palm. 

 

'jonghyun?' key probes when he doesn't answer, shaking jonghyun from his almost inappropriate line of thought. jonghyun sighs. no one aside from minho and jinki know about what he does, no one aside from minho and jinki know about his dreams, although they definitely don't know about his deal with his parents.

 

'it's a performance...thing,' he says, words coming out in reluctant syllables.

 

'you're performing? can i go see?' the excitement is weird. key is never excited, key is always laconic and disinterested, out of reach. the excitement is...cute.

 

jonghyun really should say no, it's his secret, his alternate life that no one really gains access to. 'where's your posse?' he asks.

 

'posse?' key cocks a single eyebrow at the word, lips curling up in an amused sneer. 'taemin had dance class, and i really don't care about the rest of them.' he waves a dismissive hand in the air. 

 

'so can i go?' the cute smile is back and jonghyun feels like he's been thrown. 

 

'yeah...okay...just don't tell anyone.' he's pretty sure he did not plan to say those words, and as soon as they've tumbled from his lips he considers flinging himself off a bridge. to let the most popular guy in school in on his secret is ridiculous. him, the lowest person on the social ladder, and key the one right at the top; why are they even interacting?

 

'so..what kind of performance is this? piano, guitar, singing? how long have you been doing these things? why doesn't anyone know? what-'

 

'you're very out of character today.' jonghyun interrupts the flow of questions, and it's a mild almost joking statement but it stops key's words in their tracks.

 

'oh.' key's bright smile smooths back into the cold one that's usually on his lips. 'is this better?'

 

he doesn't say a word for the rest of the walk.

 

and jonghyun can hear guilt ringing like a gong in his head.

 

at the door of the pub, he fumbles out an apology that key doesn't seem to hear and then escapes to set up. it's ridiculous to feel bad, he tells himself, but the mask had come up so quickly it seemed like a defense mechanism. he wonders if only taemin usually sees that childlike side, if only taemin has seen key laugh until his eyes scrunch up into slits.

 

key is kind of beautiful, jonghyun thinks, when he looks out over the audience from the stage, sees key relaxed and quietly watching the crowd. his eyes turn and meet jonghyun's and jonghyun feels his breath stutter in his throat. really really beautiful. 

 

~-~

 

he weaves through the crowd later to find key still sitting where he was, nursing a drink. 'vodka,' he offers, at jonghyun's quizzical glance.

 

'ah that's strong,' jonghyun says, wincing. 

 

key lets out a short laugh.  'do you only drink cocktails then?' it's almost teasing, almost casual, as if he'd forgotten what had happened earlier.

 

'would that be wrong?' jonghyun says, teasing back.

 

key's smile flickers and fades before it reaches his eyes. and as he turns away, jonghyun blurts out an apology, despite the fact that he still isn't quite sure what he did wrong.

 

'it's okay.' key's voice is quiet. 'i might have overreacted. you made me think of something.'

 

he doesn't say more than that. 

 

'you were really good up there,' key says, breaking the silence that had fallen over them. 

 

'thank you,' jonghyun whispers. 

 

when key smiles, it's soft, and so is the look in his eyes, so different from the angled hardness everyone is used to. and jonghyun thinks maybe that's why he does what he does. he leans forward and kisses key, a gentle pressure of lip on lip, and before jonghyun can regret it and pull away, key's hands slide around his neck and he kisses him back.

 

when they break apart, jonghyun's heart is doing a tap dance in his chest, and he opens his mouth to say something. but key smiles and presses a finger to jonghyun's lips. 'shh,' he says, and leans in again, replacing his finger with his mouth.

 

that night after he gets home, jonghyun stays awake too long, remembering the taste of key's mouth, and the touch of his fingers, and wonders what he's doing, and why.

 

~-~

 

key doesn't talk to him during the school week, like always, pretends jonghyun doesn't exist, like always, walks around with his posse trailing along behind him, like always. but what's different is he's quiet, almost contemplative, like he's turned himself inward, less dramatic, less vivid. the students notice and jonghyun hears whispers about it travelling the corridors, wild theories about why; drugs, gangs, an arranged marriage. he tells himself it doesn't bother him. after all, key is still key, and that kiss might have meant something, or nothing at all. he doesn't quite know which he would prefer.

 

that thursday, key slips into the music room, like he always does. but they don't talk until key taps him on the shoulder as he's packing up his scores. when jonghyun looks up, key looks antsy, actually nervous. 'hi,' key says. 

 

'hi,' jonghyun replies. 'you okay?'

 

'i'm-' kibum closes his eyes briefly. 'that saturday, i-'

 

jonghyun smiles, and squeezes key's shoulder. 'it's okay,' he says. 'it was a good kiss, it doesn't have to be anything else.' 

 

key slides his hand up jonghyun's neck and leans in. 'what if i want you?' his breath is fanning warm across jonghyun's skin, and something pulsing in jonghyun's gut wants him to lean forward and catch key's mouth with his own. 

 

instead he extracts himself from key's touch and key's mouth and key's gaze. 'i can't,' he says, shaking his head. his smile goes stiff on his lips. 'i can't, i don't have time for this.' it feels like regret on his tongue.

 

'why?' key asks, leaning close again, reaching out to run fingertips up the side of jonghyun's body.

 

'key,' jonghyun breathes. 'don't-' 

 

_ 'why?' _ key repeats.

 

'i'm not like you,' jonghyun says finally, shying away from key's stare. 'i don't have a job lined up, or a safety net, or parents with enough money to cover any gaps. i have to work for everything i want and i can't let...anything distract me. i'm almost there. i can't. not now.'

 

'am i distracting?' key asks, the lilt at the end of the words amused.

 

'you know you are,' jonghyun says. he grips key's fingers in his hand, pulling it away from his body. 

 

'not now,' key says, repeating jonghyun's earlier words. he nods to himself. 'okay then.'

 

and then he leaves, closing the door gently behind him, and it feels a little bit like an anticlimactic ending.

 

somewhere at the back of his head, jonghyun wishes he had the irresponsibility to say yes to the offer.

 

~-~

 

_ i'm not like you.  _

 

kibum laughs to himself as he drives back home. jonghyun really wasn't, a top student who never got into trouble, who teachers loved, who wore his uniform like he was supposed to, who had real friends and so much talent under his skin that no one knows about.

 

and kibum? he's the son of the richest man in town. and on account of that is set for what looks to most like a glorious future. he snorts mockingly at that thought. his parents had planned out his life from the moment he had expressed a sliver of interest in what his father did, planned out to the most minute of details; which university he would attend, place bought with his father's money if necessary; which position he would take, definitely one of the managerial ones, the son of the boss could hardly start from executive; what minors he should take; which courses. attending business dinners became part of everyday life, an introduction to the way life would be after he graduated. 'isn't it fun, kibum?' his dad asked, genial smile on his mouth, as he taught kibum the way to act, to network, to talk. and kibum knew he couldn't tell them about the suffocation he was feeling, that he thought maybe he was drowning.

 

he started high school determined to have fun, determined to squeeze some joy out of life while he still could, every ounce of it. and so he leveraged on the attention he naturally attracted, leveraged on his own looks, climbed to the top of the social ladder, drank too much, partied too hard, slept with a couple of people, led too many on. it's amazing how easily people let you manipulate them when you threw parties with freeflow booze, when you added a little eyeliner and drove an expensive car. his parents let him be. as long as it didn't get too rambunctious, it didn't matter. the lack of stellar grades didn't matter. they thought he was shedding natural teenage wildness. they weren't cruel parents, rather indulgent parents mostly, it's just they saw in him a future he might not want.

 

along the way it got stale. the attention he craved didn't seem to fill that gaping desperation to mean something. he was unsettled, unsure, a fish pulled along in the tide of his parents' ambitions. maintaining the image everyone else expected of him. it was easier to just go along and let other people make choices for you. but it was slowly becoming unbearable.

 

jonghyun was an aberration. that one evening while staying beyond school hours hovering in the halls like a ghost, he would hear piano notes dancing through the air and on a whim follow them wasn't something you could plan for. and jonghyun hadn't told him to leave, had just glanced at him, then away again. and so he'd sat there. the music soothed something in his chest, and he wanted to keep listening.

 

~-~

 

'who's that?' he whispered to taemin the day after. 

 

'you don't know him?' taemin questioned incredulously, raising his eyebrows. 'he's kim jonghyun, the top student in the school. not that smart but crazy hardworking. studies a lot, in the library a lot, teachers love him. other than that nothing particularly interesting really.'

 

'well, unless you count that one friend of his who's always looking at me. creepy guy.'

 

kibum snorted 'you beg for the attention. you know that.'

 

'can't be helped that i'm beautiful,' taemin trilled.

 

'attention whore,' kibum shot at him.

 

'like you're any different.'

 

kibum slung his arm around taemin's shoulders and barked out a laugh. he could hear the voices of people around him but all he could think was  _ jonghyun. _

 

_ he's more interesting than you think, taem. _

 

~-~

 

back at home, kibum ignores the calls of the maids to eat, ignores the fact that he's home alone again, ignores the documents on his desk his father had told him he should read 'in preparation', and stretches on his bed. if he had been another kind of person, would he have just gone along like this? if he had been someone like jonghyun, would he have fought for something else? what would his something else be?

 

kibum is realistic, he knows what he is. he's an average student with simple interests. he likes to dance, but not enough to make it a career, likes to draw, but only as a hobby. he would be a typical adult perhaps, boring, conventional, a 9 to 5 cubicle drone. but all that wouldn't matter, if he was doing it on his own terms. maybe it is that which makes all the difference. 

 

he sits up abruptly and checks the exam study schedule.

 

~-~

 

the buzz of student conversation crescendoes when kibum enters the library study room and he can feel stares like laser beams across his vertebrae. but he steels himself against it and cranes above all the heads to find the right one. he marches directly to jonghyun's table once he's located it, and unceremoniously drops into the chair next to him. the gasps from jonghyun's friends are audible -- the taemin stalker looks like he's witnessing a miracle, and the one who's mostly eyes just stares. but all jonghyun does is look up at kibum and smile. something warm wells up in kibum's chest at that smile; sweet, welcoming, honest. and as he smiles back, the world seems to fade away to just him and jonghyun.

 

he can hear whispered interrogation coming from jonghyun's friends and monosyllabic vague replies from jonghyun. but for the first time in a while, kibum doesn't care about the attention, doesn't care about the gossip. he's gotten one person's attention and the rest of the world could drown.

 

studying is surprisingly therapeutic, the single mindedness of it is a relief. and he begins to look forward to it, running through exercises and texts, the rustling of papers and pencil scratching and the warm press of jonghyun's elbow against his. when everything is promised to you on a silver platter, working for yourself can feel like a liberation.

 

'word is,' taemin says, about two and a half weeks into the venture. 'that you're studying with kim jonghyun. care to explain how you even became friendly enough for that?'

 

'yes i  _ am  _ studying with him,' kibum replies. 'and no i'm not telling you how.'

 

taemin scowls but all kibum does is grin. he had toppled from his social position after people realized that he really does want to study, had no time for parties or drinking, and definitely had no time to flirt. he's boring now. he's lost his posse, and all his followers. he just has taemin left. and somehow he's happier for it. there's a freedom is just being that he hadn't understood before.

 

taemin joins them once or twice when exams creep closer, and the taemin stalk-  _ jinki _ lights up like it's his birthday and christmas rolled together, and all the gifts in the world have landed at his feet. taemin mutters darkly into kibum's ear at that reaction and when all kibum does is chortle into his palm, jabs a sharp angry elbow into kibum's gut that oddly makes him laugh even more.

 

jonghyun doesn't say much, gaze always sharply focused on his work, only speaking to teach someone, or ask a question. and sometimes kibum would stop his own work and just watch him. he wants to pull jonghyun away to talk, wants to kiss him again, wants something to be stretched between them, a bridge, a tightrope, something.

 

'your maths book wants attention,' jonghyun says softly, breaking into kibum's thoughts. and kibum flushes, turning back to his work. jonghyun squeezes his fingers discreetly. 

 

not now, kibum thinks. he doesn't know why that matters.

 

'you still haven't told us how  _ this _ happened,' kibum can hear big eyes, no,  _ minho _ hiss from the other side of jonghyun.

 

'and i'm not going to,' jonghyun replies, calmly. a secretive glance passes between him and kibum, and kibum thinks that eventually  _ not now _ might just turn into  _ now _ .

 

~-~

 

_ you're still distracting.  _ says the scribble on the last page of his history textbook.  _ but i'm glad you're here. _

 

when kibum gets to that page while revising at home, he gently traces the lines of the words and tells himself maybe it's okay to hope.

 

~-~

 

the exams flash past quicker and easier than they used to, facts and formulas falling into place. and when the results come out, kibum is amazed. 'huh,' he thinks, staring at his result card. 'who knew studying actually worked?'

 

he doesn't realize the words have also been vocalized until he hears jonghyun laugh from right beside him. 'i know,' jonghyun drawls. 'incredible, isn't it?' he sends kibum a teasing smile that kibum wants to kiss away.

 

'shut up,' he mutters. 'i'm just realizing i could have been a brilliant student.' 

 

jonghyun laughs. 

 

'how did  _ you _ do, mr top student?'

 

'good enough,' jonghyun says. 'good enough.' there's something like relief flooding his voice, like some tension had released him from its grasp.

 

they stand there together for a while, letting silence wrap its tendrils around them. kibum wants to ask a question, wants to reach for something that might be a little out of grasp, but he doesn't. 

 

not now, he tells himself.

 

for now, he'll just enjoy the fact that jonghyun is smiling a little crooked grin at him.

 

~-~

 

his results quickstart another round of plans from his parents' lips. 'pretty good,' his father says, beaming. 'might even get you into that top university. and if they don't, we can afford a donation or two.'

 

his mother laughs delightedly. and they begin plotting his school path and career again. again again again. like usual. except this time there's a whirling in kibum's head and when it clears, his thoughts have crystallised. the motivation for the enthusiastic studying hadn't been clear to him at that initial point, had just been a need to make something of himself. but maybe all he really needed was the proof that he  _ could _ do it, alone. 

 

'no,' kibum says softly. and when his parents stop their intense conversation to stare at him, he repeats himself, eyes drilling a hole into the table.

 

'no. i don't want a donation to get me into a school, i want my grades to. and if i can't get the top, i'll take second best, or third. i'll take what i deserve. when i graduate, i don't want you to save me a spot in the company, i want to start from the bottom, look for a job myself. i want to work my way up, do this on my own credit. i don't want to just be a doll you pull along.'

 

when kibum stops, he feels breathless, and when he looks up worriedly, his parents' expressions are shocked. then his mother's expression softens. 

 

'oh bummie,' she says gently. 'why didn't you ever tell us?'

 

when she reaches out, he goes to her and clings on. 'i was afraid i wouldn't be able to do this alone. i was afraid i wasn't good enough, and i didn't want to disappoint you.'

 

'you wouldn't,' his mother coos. 'you wouldn't.'

 

'we'll do this your way then, son,' his father says gruffly. he brushes his hand over kibum's hair. 

 

kibum thinks he can finally breathe again.

 

~-~

 

at graduation, it's chaotic. and kibum thinks that's the only reason minho and jinki actually come up to him. 

 

'have you seen jonghyun?' minho asks, as jinki's gaze darts over in frantic circles over kibum's head.

 

'no, i haven't seen him,' kibum replies, and then he turns to jinki with a mischievous grin on his face. 'taemin's over there.' he nods to the left, where taemin is leaning against the wall, talking to one of his dancer juniors. 

 

'i wasn't looking!'

 

minho rolls his eyes. 'please jinki, a blind person would realize.'

 

as the two start squabbling, kibum excuses himself. he thinks he knows where jonghyun is.

 

~-~

 

'your friends are looking for you,' kibum says, leaning against the side of the music room door. 

 

jonghyun jumps a little, then turns around, mouth open in a silent laugh. 'why do you always manage to find me when i'm trying to hide?' 

 

'fate,' kibum jokes, and he walks in.

 

'i wouldn't disagree,' jonghyun says. his eyes are bright with a soft light.

 

kibum settles in next to jonghyun on the piano bench, and doesn't say anything. there's something comforting about the quiet. jonghyun is smiling at him, and the air between them is peaceful. 'hey,' he starts. 'i asked you a question here once. if i asked you again, would the answer be different?' 

 

jonghyun shakes his head lightly. 'key…'

 

'kibum.' it's said with more force than necessary. 

 

'alright then,' jonghyun says, fond amusement tingeing his tone. ' _ kibum _ . ask me again and find out.'

 

'are you some kind of fairy tale princess because-!' 

 

'just  _ ask.' _

 

kibum doesn't ask right away. instead he brings his socked feet up on the piano stool. 'once there was a rich boy,' he says, voice dreamy. 'who never had any dreams of his own, and let his parents tell him how to live. and it was okay for a while, but then he met this other boy. and this other boy had big dreams. and big talent, and this other boy-'

 

'kibum,' jonghyun interrupts. 'you're being silly.'

 

'shush, let me tell my story.'

 

'so this big talented boy, he-'

 

'i'm not big.'

 

' _ really.  _ well, that's something to think about.'

 

'kibum!'

 

'this _very_ _tiny_ talented boy, he made the rich boy want to make something of himself, with his own skills. even if it wouldn't be anything nearly as impressive as what his parents would be able to do for him.'

 

'i think it will be impressive enough,' jonghyun says softly.

 

kibum smiles at him. 'you're a lot more optimistic than i am.'

 

the silence stretches. 

 

'hey jonghyun,' kibum says finally. 'is it still "not now"?'

 

'i don't know what you mean.' but jonghyun is smiling fondly at him, head tilted. 

 

'you do.'

 

a breath. 'no, it isn't.'

 

'so-' jonghyun interrupts when he leans in and kisses kibum; soft, chaste, gentle. like the first time. kibum smiles against jonghyun's mouth and slides his fingers into jonghyun's hair. 

 

and that's exactly when they get interrupted by a chorus of clearing throats. 

 

'is  _ anyone _ ever going to explain how the hell  _ this  _ happened?' minho's voice exclaims.

 

kibum looks up to see taemin, jinki and minho standing in the doorway staring at them. taemin shakes his head mock-disapprovingly when their eyes meet, but there is happiness in the edges of his smile.

 

'nope,' jonghyun replies. he stands up, links fingers with kibum, and walks out of the room, right past their friends. 

 

kibum laughs.

**Author's Note:**

> (j dared me to try to switch up the typical characterization. I TRIED.)  
> if you got all the way here  
> i'm sorry


End file.
